Galations 2: 19-21
For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”
How God sees me
I sometimes struggle to see myself the same way that God sees me. I am quite frankly rebellious in nature, impatient and I get frustrated quite easily. I get upset with myself for having these feelings. I too often forget that God has created me the way he has created me for a reason and a purpose. He knows that the rebellion me will one day serve a greater purpose. I now as an adult realise that I have always been a free thinker and the free thinker in me was created to have the courage to glorify him each and every day. He creates a beautiful artwork out of all the imperfections and gradually moulds and shapes me into what he wants me to become one day. He sees me as blameless, righteous and clean.
Why God sees me as Blameless
I am completely washed clean because of what Christ did on the cross all those years ago. In my mind it is difficult to understand or wrap my head around what Jesus has done. Abraham’s faith in God was counted to him as righteousness and because we are the descendants of Abraham, we share in his righteousness and thus we are seen as blameless in God’s eyes. In a nutshell, it is not anything that I have done to deserve that grace but because God sent his son to die on the cross for my very sins. Nothing I can do can make God love me any less. I fall short and don’t get things right. God’s grace means that He makes up for every area where I fall short. When I fall short as a being human and make mistakes, he makes up for those shortfalls.
There are things that stop me from seeing myself the way God sees me…
Sometimes I try to get right with God…
My upbringing was influenced by societal and cultural beliefs and expectations. As I young african girl growing up in the townships of South Africa, I was always into something a little different than my peers. The music I listened to was considered ‘different’. My clothes were different, my mindset in general was different to that of others. I didn’t always embrace being different because, I wanted to be like everybody else but obviously not enough for me to pretend to be something I wasn’t.
At times I care what others think
To tell the truth often when people ask how I am it seems the only answer I am allowed to give is the standard answer of “I’m fine” when at times I’m really not fine. Putting on an act can be exhausting. We live in a society where we don’t talk about not being okay. If we were courageous and spoke out about the way we feel then it normalises honesty and creates opportunities for sharing with others.
Being influenced by the opinons of others
People will always have their own opinions, however God’s opinion is the only one that matters. If I know who I am in God’s eyes, everything else falls away and I will only see myself the way that God sees me. He knows me better than anyone because it is He who created and formed me in my mother’s womb.
Not acknowledging how I feel
Often I tend to hide my feelings thinking that If I do so, I won’t hurt anyone else’s feelings. This in turn leaves me feeling like I can’t express myself. It’s important to ‘vent’ if I need to because when I acknowledge the times I am angry or sad, it means I can move on.
Experiencing guilt over having negative feelings
Feelings of guilt stop me from seeing myself the way God sees me. I sometimes feel as though I have no right to feel angry, sad or frustrated and that it is a ‘punishable offence’. At times, my guilt masks itself as anxiety and I do not realise that I am experiencing feelings of guilt.
I am learning that I am a fearless beautiful work of art designed by God and no matter how much it looks like I may be lacking in a particular area, God makes up for it all.
When Christ died, he took upon him the burden of guilt, anxiety, timidity, my sense of responsibility, and replaced them with courage and bravery, peace, joy and grace. For that I am thankful and grateful that I can live in the light and in his abundant grace.
JOURNEY-OF-HEALING 