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Perfect vs Imperfect…

It’s been a good few weeks since the start of lock-down here in the UK. It’s Bank Holiday today which means a long weekend!.. A ‘public’ holiday as we would call it South Africa which thankfully for my family means we get do no absolutely NOTHING! This morning I asked my daughter what she would like to do and the above was her response so we’re definitely on the same page! Even though we are currently on lock-down our Mondays to Fridays as a family are full on. The kids have online school from 8.30am till 4pm and I have to home-school my younger son throughout the week. Some days he feels great about home schooling while other days he lies in a crumpled heap on the floor not wanting to do the work set out for him.

I’ve been feeling increasingly anxious about homeschooling my son with each day that passes, so much so that I have started dragging myself out of bed each morning. I am not a teacher and simply trying my best although not fully sure I’m even doing a great job. It has been trying playing both mum and teacher and trying to keep him motivated. I admit I have felt an intense pressure to be motivated! There are honestly days where I would prefer to sit in front of the telly doing absolutely nothing and watching some of my favourite most shameful reality shows instead. So you can imagine how much I was looking forward to simply relaxing today but sadly I seem to have woken up with a somewhat less than positive attitude. This lock-down has me so confused in my feelings. This morning I immediately felt guilty about not feeling thankful or blessed that we are safe as a family during this awful pandemic. I mean, there are people suffering all over the world and therefore who am I to harbour these ‘unholy’ feelings? I do realise however that I for one need to constantly remind and re-assure myself that I am only human and it’s far better to acknowledge these feelings of restlessness and ask God to help me conquer the oncoming day. Some days I wake up feeling great and other days well…not so much. Its ok to not feel like ‘getting things done’ at times much like the way my son feels about his home schooling on some days. As a mum I need to allow him to express his feelings of frustration and acknowledge those feelings. God reminded me in that moment that I need to allow myself to acknowledge my frustration on this particular day instead of covering it up or worse..feeling guilty about feeling this way. It’s so much easier to talk to God and let him know ‘Hey, God today I am not so feeling great…’. When I choose to do this instead of wallowing in guilt and allowing these negative thoughts to define my day He somehow takes care of the rest. My day falls into place and by 4pm I’m left wondering how I managed to have moments of fun with my kids despite the stress of home schooling all day!

Our God is a God who is consistent and never changes (unlike like my moods). I can wake up each and every morning knowing that His grace is enough and If I happen to wake up tomorrow morning in an awful mood once again, I can rest assured that His face is smiling down on me and He is pleased with what he sees.

Proverbs 31:25 – “She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future”

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